Family in Lockdown
Some of you will already be in isolation with your families, most of you I suspect, will have been awaiting the announcement that finally came on Wednesday.
As we listened to the education secretary say that schools would close on Friday, one of my kids let out the most almighty whoop of joy. I wondered if he would still be whooping with joy after a couple of weeks at home with mum and dad. Us parents may have slightly more mixed emotions. If the prospect of having your kids at home with you, indefinitely, with limited options to go out and spend time with others, fills you with dread… don’t feel guilty. Let’s be realistic, we are going to get on each other’s nerves, we are going to lose our tempers, it will not, at times, be pretty. But sometimes it will be great. Honestly, it will. (But it doesn’t hurt to put a bit of a survival plan in place). There are already loads of great ideas and resources online and being shared in groups that are well worth tapping into. I’ve attempted to pull together some of the them and drawn on my experience as a children’s pastor, teacher and parent to think about how we might be able to make the most of this time (and stay sane!) with your under 11s. Of course, these are just suggestions and ideas, they may not all work for you, I pray that you will figure out what works for your family and your situation.
School age children will almost certainly have some work set online and it will be good for them to keep some form of learning going, but it will be really important for both adults and kids to make sure that you are looking after your mind, body and spiritual life during this time too.
“Why not draw up a weekly timetable together?”
Routine
Some sort of routine is going to be important if we are in this for a few months. I don’t mean that you should go full Captain von Trapp, but having some sort of structure to your days will really help kids feel secure during uncertain times and will almost certainly help with behaviour. Why not draw up a weekly timetable together? Let them have some input, decorate or colour it in and stick it somewhere where the whole family can see it. If you have kids of very different ages, you might want to draw up individual timetables. Try and put some sensible markers down, e.g. on weekdays keep a getting up time and a bedtime as you would normally do. Remember they are eventually going to have to go back to school, keeping some sort of routine will make that transition back easier for all of you! Don’t make it all about school work, factor your mind, body and spirit time into your routine. Learn some new skills together – learn a language (my kids’ school recommends ‘Duolingo’), take up knitting, try an online art class, learn to cook, redecorate a room, try a mini engineering or woodwork project; have a jam session or put on a play!
Physical exercise
My husband is already working on his home gym. Seriously. Our dining room is starting to look like a weights room (well, we figured we wouldn’t be having many dinner guests!). Looking after your physical health will be really important, not just in terms of staying healthy but including some physical activity will be a great way to break up the day and also has benefits for mental health too. You don’t have to buy a load of gym equipment, raid the kitchen for tins and bottles to use as weights, dust down those old exercise DVDs, or utilise the many great resources online. There are workouts and exercise activities online specifically for all ages, your kids may have some they’ve used at school. Get out into the garden or on the balcony as well, make sure you’re all getting some fresh air. Remember you can go out for a walk, run or bike ride as long as you limit your contact with others.
“Why not start the day with a daily prayer or bible verse?”
Spend time with God
We adults have a great opportunity here to give our kids a window into our spiritual lives. There are all sorts of things we could be building into our routine if we are at home together, why not start the day with a daily prayer or bible verse, just 5 or 10 minutes all together? Introduce your kids to bible journaling; take it in turns to choose a worship song every day and have a couple of minutes of quiet reflection. Be outward looking, look for opportunities to pray for others, try to find ways of reminding each other that there are other things going on in the world than coronavirus. Be thankful. Take time out every day to thank God for the positives, maybe you devise a ‘3 things I’m thankful for’ prayer time. If your child is struggling to connect with God, don’t get frustrated, encourage them to join in, but allow them to just listen or reflect, God can still meet with them even in their uncertainty.
Make some ‘me time’
A parent who has two very young children said to me recently, “I just don’t know when we’re going to get any down-time. My husband and I will both be working from home, having to look after the kids during the day will inevitably mean us having to work in the evenings. I don’t know when we’re going to relax!”. Consider talking to your employer or clients and asking them for a bit of understanding, if you are fulltime childcaring, it’s natural that you might be working at reduced capacity. If there are two of you, take it in turns to work and childmind and be strict about not being disturbed! If your kids are old enough, think about building some alone time into the day, half an hour or an hour (however much you think they can cope with), where everybody does something quiet on their own. If it’s safe to do so, you could think about arranging for the kids to go to someone else’s house for a few hours and then return the favour!
Relax and go easy on each other
Talk to your kids about the importance of what we’re all doing and talk through the implications of spending so much time at home together. Agree that you are all going to need to be patient and forgiving towards each other at times. I feel a lesson in grace coming on… This might be a time to relax the normal house rules. Keeping in touch with their friends for example is going to really help kids feel connected and less isolated, perhaps they need a little more screen time in order to be able to do that. If it all gets a bit much, don’t feel like you’re slacking if you stick a film on in the middle of the day – recognise when you all need to zone out for a while.
“If you are struggling, reach out.”
Stay connected
Don’t just help your children stay connected with friends and family, but make sure you do this for yourself too. If you are struggling, reach out. This is not a time to harbour hurts if somebody didn’t call you first, the chances are people will assume you are ok, it is ok to tell people you are not. Call someone, even if it’s just to let off steam or have a rant, or just to hear someone else say ‘I get it’.
Remember that God is good
’I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.’ Psalm 27: 13-14.
Thanks so much to all of you who have already shared resources and ideas for things to do at home or to support your kids’ learning, you can see some of them on our new resources page.
Diana Hopkins
Children’s Pastor